Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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