Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
