The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
