Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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