the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize