So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
