Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
