I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
