this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
