I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This house was built for laser tag.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
