Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
