Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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