I met the friendliest cop last night
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
