every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
