ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
