Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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