I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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