u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
