butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
