Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
