so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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