You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
