Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
