If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
