I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
