got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
