Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
