Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
