You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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