I love black thongs
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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