He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
