For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
