Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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