Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
