I want you more than these girls want KFC
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
