Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
