he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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