I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
