I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
