dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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