just come out here and I will go home with you...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
