Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
