We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
