so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
