legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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