I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
