i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
