Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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