yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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