He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
