Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
